


Reckless

by loupmalin



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-28
Updated: 2016-02-28
Packaged: 2018-05-23 19:13:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6127247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loupmalin/pseuds/loupmalin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How Tentoo and Rose got engaged (based on actual events in the Loup household).  Angsty in the beginning, fluffy at the end.  Beta'd by FomaGranfalloon.  This is a gift for the wonderful myprvvalentine, who is made of rainbows and perfection.  <3</p>
            </blockquote>





	Reckless

He'd known it was going to be a long night when Rose slumped in the door, looking wan and haunted from her nightly vigil in the Torchwood med wing. The Doctor jumped up from the sofa, crossing the grey carpet towards her in quick strides.

“How is she?” He wrapped his arms around her, and Rose melted into his embrace. He shuddered again at the thought of how easily it could have been her caught in the explosion, rather than Tosh, feeling rather guilty at the overwhelming sense of relief that came from having her in his arms. He focused instead on marvelling, not for the first time, at the fragility of this one tiny life they shared. She pulled away, crossing their sitting room from end to end.

“No change,” she sighed, gnawing at her thumbnail as she paced. “Pete says that there's not likely to be at this point. Her family’s arriving tonight. He made me come home before they got there.”

“Oh, Rose.” Families were only called in when there was no hope left. “I'm so sorry, love.”

“It's my fault, Doctor. It was reckless, for her to run into the storehouse. We knew it was full of Feulbrox separatists. I was Team Leader. I should have stopped her.” They’d had this same conversation every night for a fortnight, ever since Pete had called him to Torchwood to retrieve Rose, who had sprained her wrist and suffered a number of painful-looking burns along her arms and back in the explosion. Despite the fact that she had been fully awake and arguing with Owen about being allowed out of bed to check on the rest of her team when he arrived, seeing Rose clad in a thin hospital gown, hooked up to what must have been a dozen different monitors had been one of the most terrifying experiences of any of his lives. The Doctor had no idea that his newly-minted human body could handle that much stress, and he hoped to never have another chance to confirm it again.

“It's not your fault,” he reassured her. She shook her head but didn't argue. He itched to reach out and wrap his arms around her again, but thought the better of it. He knew the suffocating claustrophobia that she would feel if he tried to anchor her in one spot right now. He let her pace instead.

Rose’s wrist had mended in days, thanks to Torchwood’s advanced medical services, but her nightmares, which had subsided in the months since their return, had come back full-force. Each night since the attack, she woke in a cold sweat, screaming after Tosh. The look in her eyes now was distant too, heavy with guilt and self-blame. She yelped when her phone buzzed, Pete’s ID displayed on the screen.

“Dad?” She answered his call on the first ring, her voice small and strained. The Doctor wished he could take her pain away. He settled for watching her worry her bottom lip with her teeth as she listened to Pete give her the bad news, his own hands balled into fists at her anguish. His gut tightened in sympathy; he didn’t need superiour auditory abilities to know what Pete was saying.

“Right, yeah. Thanks Dad. Love you too.” Rose hung up, her mobile slipping from her fingers to the floor. She doubled over and sat on the sofa gingerly, as though she might break it. Or herself. He wasn’t sure. The Doctor sat down next to her, nearly on top of her, and pulled Rose against him. He rubbed her back as silent tears wracked her body.

There hadn’t been many chances for the Doctor to get to know Tosh well since their return to Pete’s World a few months earlier, but he had liked her.

**********************

Rose cried herself out before blowing her nose and dabbing at her puffy eyes. Dragging her hands down her face, she stood and walked toward their bedroom to change out of her work clothes. She pulled her pyjama bottoms and vest top on, feeling numb. This couldn't be real. She’d lost people before, but Tosh… It didn’t seem possible. She fixed her hair into a low ponytail and shuffled back into the sitting room, avoiding the Doctor’s worried gaze as she sat down next to him once again.

“I’m okay,” she lied. “I just need to sit quietly for a bit, yeah?” He opened his mouth to reply, and then shut it with a click, giving her a nod and a small smile. Rose tucked her feet up on the sofa, hugging her knees. Tosh had been a friend ever since Rose had arrived in Pete’s world, and they had worked together closely on the dimension cannon. Rose had been the one to argue with Pete for weeks to give Tosh a higher security clearance for the project. She had been kind and compassionate and hard as nails when she needed to be, never letting Rose give up, even when it seemed like they had hit a dead end. Rose could almost hear her friend now, admonishing her to _Go home and get some sleep, Agent Tyler. We’ll take another crack at it in the morning_. But she was home and she couldn’t sleep. Not when Toshiko Sato was dead, gone from the world forever, and it was her fault.

A sob forced its way out of her chest, and the Doctor gathered her against him, whispering words she couldn’t understand into her hair. He rocked her back and forth, murmuring comfort and love in any language that seemed to come to mind.

“It’s just so stupid,” she choked out. “It’s so bloody pointless. She was so good, Doctor…” She knew she was soaking a patch of his shirt with her tears, but it was her own turn to babble now. “She loved puppies and Tim Tams and stupid Owen and it’s not. fucking. _fair_!” She clung to him, desperate.

“I know, I know…” She was grateful for whatever human instincts he had inherited from Donna that kept him from rambling for at least a few moments, his soft whispers more comforting than anything else she could think of. “I know.”

“I love you,” Rose sobbed. “We’d all be dead without her, and she helped me get back to you, and I just… I love you.”

“Oh, Rose, I know. I love you,” he breathed. It was difficult to believe that he only had one heart anymore. He would have sworn that there were two of them, both breaking for her.

She cried herself silent again within a few minutes, not seeming to notice that the Doctor was lost in thought. Their entwinement was becoming uncomfortable, though, and his arm was starting to fall asleep. He scooted them to the far end of the sofa and Rose stretched out, her head pillowed on his thigh. He threaded his fingers through her hair, combing through the honeyed blonde strands as her breathing evened out. The regular rise and fall of her shoulders were her only movements.

“How long are you going to stay with me?” He asked quietly, wondering whether she was even still awake.

“Forever,” she murmured. Rose brought her hand up to rest on his thigh. “You’re stuck with me.” Even through her fatigue and her tears, he could hear the hint of a smile in her voice.

“Not so bad, that.” He leaned over to kiss her temple. “Stay here, I’ll be right back.” He shifted her onto the sofa fully, leaning down to give her one more soft kiss before he disappeared down the hall into their bedroom. It was impulsive and not at all what he had been planning meticulously since shortly after their arrival in Pete's World, but he decided it didn’t matter. He rifled through the pockets of his blue suit jacket, elbow-deep before his fingertips brushed the velvet bag for which he was searching. He shoved it into his jeans pocket and half-jogged back into the sitting room, where Rose was still lying on the sofa. She watched him approach through half-lidded eyes. He knelt down next to her head and kissed her again.

“I love you, Rose Tyler. With all of my single, rubbish human heart.” He stroked her face, pushing her bangs back as she gave him a watery smile.

“Oi, rude.”

“That’s me,” he whispered. He kissed her again, letting their noses rub together, tasting the hint of salty tears on her lips. “This life, Rose… It’s terrifying. It’s short and scary and unpredictable.”

“And unfair,” she reminded him, sitting up. It was awkward kissing her at such an angle, anyway, but he clasped her hands in his, watching her face for any sign that she might already know what he was on about.

“And unfair,” he agreed. “But better with two, right?” Could she feel his hands shaking? He took a deep breath, willing his body to comply despite the rush of adrenaline that was humming through him. What if she said no? He pushed that niggling doubt away. He might wrestle forever with the tiny echo of _but he’s not you_ that lingered in his mind, but now wasn't the time to let it take over.

Rose smiled softly and nodded. “Always better with two.” He had to say it now, otherwise it would take him another three months to get the nerve up again. And this life was too short to waste that much time.

“Let’s get married, Rose.” He watched disbelief creep across her face, and he squeezed her hands tighter. “Being human, well, it’s terrible, really. But it’s so much better with you than I ever could have imagined. I know we said we didn’t need to get married, but I want to. I want the wedding and the honeymoon and I want to let your mum drive us spare planning every single detail. I want to marry you, Rose. If you want?” She looked at him in stunned silence and he pulled his hands away, reaching into his pocket. He fished into the blue velvet bag, pulling out a ring with a sapphire set in a simple silver band and offering it to her.

“You’re proposing to me?” Rose’s face was still red and puffy from crying, her hair askew. She had never looked more beautiful.

“Ehm... yes?” The Doctor squeaked. “But only if you want to. It’s okay if you’d prefer -”

“In my jimjams, Doctor?” He couldn't read the expression on her face, but her eyes were searching his and oh god, she was right. He was mucking it all up. His spontaneous, impulsive decision was the wrong one, of course it was. This was why people made plans and actually stuck to them. He sat back on his heels, cursing his half-human body for betraying him as he felt a flush creep up his neck and into his cheeks.

“Well… maybe?” He scratched the back of his neck, though it felt more like writhing in agony. They shared a bed, they shared a life, but here it was… maybe she didn’t want him after all. Maybe he wasn’t enough.

“Wait, where did you get a ring?” She leaned forward to look at the jewel that was still cradled in his outstretched hand.

“Oh, long time ago… back on Zotera. But, Rose,” he breathed, not caring that he was practically begging now. “D’you think you might want to let me know yes or no? Please?”

She launched herself off the sofa, tackling him to the floor and smothering his face and neck with kisses. “Of course, you daft alien. Of course I want to marry you. I told you forever, didn’t I?” The Doctor felt the room refill with the air that had suddenly seemed in short supply before her answer. He laughed, burying his face in her shoulder as tears sprang to his eyes. They lay on the floor, laughing and crying in equal measure, wrapped in each other’s embrace.

“Can I see it properly?” Rose asked, pulling away and tapping the Doctor’s still-closed fist.

“Right!” He sat up, and she mirrored his movement. “Give me your hand?” She offered her left, and the Doctor gripped her fingers in his for a moment. “It’s important. That’s what I wanted to say. Because this life… Sometimes people get left behind or they leave or they die. We have no control over any of it. And it breaks your heart every time. But we can have a fantastic life, Rose. We can do that for Tosh.” He slipped the ring onto her finger. She took a shuddering breath and nodded before throwing her arms around his neck again. He felt her tuck her head, her nose against his collarbone and finally sighed in relief.

They stayed like that for several long moments, until Rose pulled back to look at the ring again. He watched her admire it, turning her hand from side to side.

“It’s gorgeous, Doctor. You’ve had this since Zotera?”

“Yeah,” he grinned, feeling his ears turning pink. He hadn’t meant to tell her that bit, it had just sort of slipped out. But there was no use denying it now. “I bought it when we were there, do you remember the Spring Festival?”

Rose nodded. “I remember being sick for three full days while you went swimming morning, noon, and night, you git.” But she smiled at him, no malice in her words. “But that was before… well before.”

“Yeah.” He nodded and she draped her arms around his neck, pressing their foreheads together.

“My answer would have been the same back then,” she whispered.

“I don’t know that I ever would have asked,” he admitted. “It was more a talisman than anything. Just something to imagine while you were asleep or visiting your mum. I was too much of a coward." He sighed, running a hand through his hair.

“Well,” Rose mimicked him, catching her tongue between her teeth, “I suppose I’ll keep this non-cowardly Doctor.” He shouldn’t feel such relief at the comment, he knew she was only joking, but still.

“Quite,” the Doctor agreed. Funny, that. A year ago, neither of them would have said that. But, a year ago, Rose was still launching herself through dimension after dimension, trying to find her way back to their old universe. With Tosh’s help.

Rose seemed to be thinking along the same lines, her smile fading as she continued to stare at her hand. She closed her eyes, folding herself back against his shoulder. There were so many emotions, and never enough time to sort them all out.

“You should call your mum,” the Doctor suggested, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder. Rose was holding up remarkably well but it had, admittedly, been a very emotional evening. He could feel her energy ebbing; she leaned against him, warm and heavy with fatigue. He also knew that if this information was kept from Jackie Tyler any longer than absolutely necessary, the results would be...unpleasant. Rose nodded, finally disentangling herself from his embrace to fish for her mobile on the side table.

She picked at her thumbnail for a moment as she waited for Jackie to pick up.  He watched her closely, returning her small, nervous smile when her mother’s voice rang out over the line.

“Rose, love, I’m so sorry about Tosh. D’you want to come round? You and himself can spend the night, have some home comfort? A proper fry up in the morning?”

“Ta, mum, but we'll stay here tonight. It's already late. Maybe for the weekend?” He heard Jackie’s enthusiastic agreement, and, though he would only admit it under extreme duress, secretly looked forward to all of those things. Pete and Jackie and Tony - he never expected to have a family again. He had given up that idea as something that he didn’t deserve, after all of the terrible things he had done, all the choices he had made. But now, he had a real, proper family. They were loud and messy and so imperfect, and he loved them all with a force that surprised him on a regular basis. He grabbed Rose and kissed her temple, grateful for all of the thing she had given him, without even knowing, just by being herself.

“Anyway,” she continued, “I actually wanted to ring you for something else, Mum. There’s something I wanted to tell you.”

“Oh my god, Rose, you’re pregnant! Tony’s gonna have a playmate!” Rose rolled her eyes, but smiled anyway.

“No, you plum,” she teased her mother. “We thought we’d do things the other way ‘round.”


End file.
